got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
