I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
