do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
There's always time for handjobs
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
