Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
