id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
