the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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