It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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