And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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