Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
