I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize