Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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