dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
