I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
