The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize