Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
