don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
