I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
