end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I lost the right to judge tonight
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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