can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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