around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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