Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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