I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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