if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
