Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
