i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
