She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
