dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize