Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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