Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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