Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
