She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
