you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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