you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
