Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
