Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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