you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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