You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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