CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
