at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
