dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
