He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
