how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
