I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
