i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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