That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
