I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
