I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
