I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
