If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
