porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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