So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
