Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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