Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize