No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
