We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
