is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
