You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
