Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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