census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
