The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
