I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
