yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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