DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
