i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
