after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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