So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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