In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
