its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
