I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
