LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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