My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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