i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
