We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize