Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
