Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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