there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
