we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Randomize
