She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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