Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
