just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Houston, we have a squirter
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
