I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Randomize
