my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize