Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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