i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
