Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
