she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
