Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
