I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
