Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
