it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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