dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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