My balls are so social today.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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