I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize