My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
