Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I supernannyed him into submission
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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